3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
