It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
