i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
