im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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