I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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