jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka