I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
