We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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