So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
