Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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