Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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