Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
