Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
