I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
