I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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