yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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