So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
