I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i think im in europe. pls send help
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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