I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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