i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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