before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
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Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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