Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think my nap took me to another dimension
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
