I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize