Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
