never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
