I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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