A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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