R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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