On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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