He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
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I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
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i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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