I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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