Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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