I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
