Even the bartender felt bad for me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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