His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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