i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize