Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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