I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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