so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
