I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
