i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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