what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
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I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
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