There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
