I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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