When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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