literally had 100 drinks last night.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
