she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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