Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
