Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
