last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
