Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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