i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I enjoy the company of your penis
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