how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she peed on how many people?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
