around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
