I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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