I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Randomize
