I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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