the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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