your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
