I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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